The Love Files No.4 // Gay Men

You ever had this happen to you? You meet a guy who you find really fascinating, sympathetic and then you find out he’s gay and it just hits you with utter disappointment that you will never ever have a chance. Of course there are guys where it is so obvious that they are not into women that you would not even consider a little bit of interest in them. But then there are also the kind of guys where it is not obvious at all in the beginning and that’s where it gets tricky. I once met a guy I never ever thought he was gay. I liked him, we got along pretty good, yes sometimes we even had passionate fights that resembled the ones you have in a relationship.

We were living together so saw each other quite often but it still took me a while to realise he was gay, basically I only realised it since all the people going in and out of his place were always men. And once I had my romance at that time visiting and the next day he told me how attractive he found that guy, well there was no denial anymore from my side. He was a very complicated character for sure and living together was not always easy but he had a good heart and I really liked him, even though he sometimes really drove me nuts - for sure I did the same thing to him, driving him nuts, so we were even.

I was just remembering him lately because I had a tiny online crush on a guy who very much reminded me of him, he looks extremely similar and that made me think of him. Then I was talking to my friend A. and she also said ‘wow, they have so much in common but don’t be fooled, the guy who just sparked your interest isn’t straight either’. It was a pretty cool and funny conversation that my friend and I had there but then it made me wonder how I can sometimes be so naive to get interested in somebody so unavailable and unattainable. Well, here we are back to my part of this. Am I so emotionally unavailable and unattainable that this is what I am looking for in a man to really make sure things won’t work out?! Well, here we go. Most probably I still have to answer this question with yes, sort of, because otherwise I would not choose relationship patterns with unavailable men who leave me in the end or who always have just this kind of relationship with me that is not leading anywhere because it is just a dead end road.

So, interesting conversation that ended with interesting questions I had or have to ask myself. I have to better school my gay men radar from now on since they are not for me and I am not for them. They make great friends but the lover/partner part is completely excluded so it is time to move on.